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Thursday, January 26, 2012

fear sets in

I am having difficulty with finding balance with my level of activity and my home life. At least 3 times a week, I attend a zumba class. There have been weeks that I go every evening.  I arrive  home at 7:45 p.m.  What do I find when I get home?  Daniel making his dinner.  Maybe he's doing a load of laundry since I'm backed  and he has no work clothes. I'm starving and sweaty. I change or shower depending on how hungry I am. This is tricky because if I'm too hungry, I will start eating and not stop until I make myself sick. It takes a while for my stomache to tell my brain YOU'RE FULL.  Then there's dishes. I'm zonked. Daniel rarely complains but h e's had it when I tell him to clean  his mess.  He thinks since he's cooking and doing laundry that I should do the dishes. I'm all 'IT AIN'T MY MESS"   I find myself being very selfish. If I do not exercise. The scale will go up.  I'm doing all this and the scale doesn't move. Imagine if I stop?  Fear sets in.

I shower and throw myself on the couch. Daniel wants to spend time with me . I have nothing left in me at this point.  He feels rejected and I understand maybe he's questioning the relationship.  He's on his own most evenings.That can't be fun.

It is incredibly hard for me to balance US time.  I do my best on the weekends. I know our relationship needs nurturing but the fear of the scale drives my need to exercise. Honestly, if I do not attend these classes and use my lunch hours for walking, I WILL FIND MYSELF AT 213 lbs again.  My recent work schedule has cut into my walking time and the scale is already up 5 lbs.  This is life and 5 lbs in the grand scheme of things is not the end of the world... but the fear of scale going up is always in the back of my mind.

I am smart. I know I have to make this work.  I am  not the only one who struggles with balance. My immediate plan?  Throw a load of laundry to wash in the mornings.  Use my crock pot. Leverage my lunch hour ie.., get my cardio in at noon. Attend zumba no more than 3 times a week.  Yes, I  have a plan and that helps the fear subside. At least for now.


  1. These are all good strategies. Talk to Daniel...making time for each other will help. Hugs.

    1. Hi Paula, I have a hard time with balance too. Specifically, cooking for my husband (just wrote about that yesterday!), so I want you to know you're not alone.

      How far is the gym from your house and workplace? I've heard good things about Wii Zumba and wonder if you did that at home on some nights (while still going to the gym a couple of other nights in the week), might that give you more time to spend with Daniel on those evenings? Because at least it would cut down on driving time or whatever.

      Or you could strength train at home, if you aren't already strength training. Cathe videos are supposed to be challenging and effective. Just throwing ideas out there.

    2. Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. Today was a good start. i woke up earlier than usual. Made beds and had coffee with Daniel. I felt really good leaving my house this morning. So glad I'm back to bloging. It just helps getting these thoughts out of my head....

      Mil gracias.

  2. Im always always search for balance here too.


  3. Balance is hard. But if you are working at it, you will make it happen. :)

  4. I think you are have made a good effort to plan your next step. It is a hard balance. I broke down this morning because I got so overwhelmed, but if I don't do it, no one will. But you have to live your life with others and Daniel needs quality time. You will make it work. I wish you luck.


  5. Don't ever skimp on relationship time :-) God give you wisdom. i have lots of those time challenges too.....