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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

where has she been?

Okay, I'll stop immitating "gossip girl."  I used to love that show.  The gloomy Sacramento weather and stressful work has dominated my spirit.  Do you find that rainy weather affects your mood? It certainly does for me. All I can manage is zumba 3 days a week.

My creativitiy in the kitchen is also missing. I've been roasting veggies, making smoothies and eating lots of greens but "my fire" is somewhat diminished. Oh, I'm not giving up. Just acknowledging that I need to light a match under my ass.  Hey, you were thinkin it, right?
Today, i ate an entire banana nut muffin and found myself throwing up in the restroom for 15 minutes. Why do I torture myself? With my GERD and Hernia, I find I cannot eat bread.  I have no idea why i punish myself with food.  Eating something you know will make you sick is just CRAZY.  Acknowledging the behavior is the first step, right? 

The sun is out today and I find there is more bounce in my step.  The scale is at 175 and 179 where it has been for years. I'm treading dangerous territory mentally--saying to self "fudge it... eat it paula. it's not like you're losing or gaining..." That's stinkin thinkin and something I've tried to stay clear of...

I promise paulawannacracker will see some healthy cookin and lots of activity in the coming weeks.  I miss me...  YES, I MISS ME.  Off to find myself.  How about you?  Do you find that you need to reel yourself in from time to time?


  1. Paula, I haven't visited in a long time. I missed you! (smiles)

    Glad you are doing well!

    I am struggling lately with lack of motivation for exercising. I have slacked for months. But am trying to get back on track.

    I hope you have a great week!

    Mrs. White

    1. Mrs. White, hello. So glad to hear from you. At least we are not alone in our struggles, so good to hear from you.

  2. I love that you miss you!!
    Im kind of there too.
    uh :-)
    with me.