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Monday, June 4, 2012

imperfect thoughts

buenos dias all...

Hope you had a great weekend. Mine included shopping which is always depressing but more on that in a minute.  I saw the Avengers movie solo on a Friday afternoon. I can't believe I fell asleep the first 30 minutes but woke up and thoroughly enjoyed the last hour.  Had friends over on Sunday and now I'm  just spent. I really wanted to cram a 2 hour bike ride but  there just wasn't enough time.

Do you ever cram so much into your weekend that you need a rest? I really need to learn that weekends are for resting.  Nuff said about that...

Wanna know how my shopping went? I did manage to buy a couple of dresses but it can be so disheartening and traumatic when it comes to trying on clothes.

I did not buy this blue dress obviously.  It showed every imperfect around the middle. 

And then t here was this black dress.  It was comfortable. But it drew attention to my arms and then there are my knees....

Shopping can be emotionally exhausting.  If you struggle with weight and even if you've lost some weight, you still have to fight the part where you critize and beat yourself up about how you ruined your body. Honestly, I thought that... I said to self:  "why did I eat my way to being sub-human."   This negative dialogue occurs in my head most mornings while dressing for work.  I've even thought it's sub-human to disfigure one's body with food.  That's not healthy thinking and I'm learning to stop this thinking in it's tracks.  After my shopping, I looked at these photos and spied my green wristband from attending a Master Zumba class.  Then I sighed... I am learning to love myself. I am doing things to counter the negative body image and unhealthy thinking. I am learning to live with the body I have.  I am doing what I can to promote a healthier me. Inside and out.  I am reminded that I will never have a perfect body, only imperfect thoughts and it's up to me to do what I can with what I have. 

So I bought that black dress inspite of my arms and knees.  I felt girlie in the dress and I'll hold onto that...


  1. It's so hard to fight that inner dialogue sometimes. Usually all it does is talk trash. I'm glad you got the looks great on you :)

  2. I know from experience that when you lose weight it takes time for your head to catch up with what it sees in the mirror. I'm so glad you got the dress, you look gorgeous in it. The blue one is beautiful too, it just needs the right underwear (if you don't mind a total stranger saying so). Go Paula! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, we all think them but rarely put them out there. :)Margo

  3. I love your posts. I am sorry that I am a bad commenter.

    Shopping is the bane of my existence. I love dresses in Summer because I find they can hid flaws. The ones I prefer are "empire waisted because they cut above the waistline and have a billowy bottom, which hides the hips, curves, lumps, and guts. But a really well made dress that makes you look smoothed out is my favorite. Those are hard to find. Dress Barn or Fashion Bug is the best place for the curvier woman. And let me say that we've (as Women of the World) have been duped into thinking that we can just get in a dress and be flawless. The inventor of Spanx (I know her Aunt) didn't become a billionaire because we look perfect in a dress. Don't worry about Arms (I can't stand mine) or knees. It is how you act in that dress; act with confianza. ; )