Just look at the cloud formation in the shot above. You feel really small amongst the rock and outdoors. We hiked a total of 5 miles at climbed about 1,100 feet in elevation. At least that is what my friend pablo said as he pulled out his topical map.
We started out at Woods Lake which is a nice place to camp and fish. We walked the steep part of the trail first. All along the trail you see the hillside dotted with wild flowers. Some in our group knew the names. I was just glad for great weather. It did start to sprinkle for a second but swiftly cleared up.
I was with a group of experienced hikers. Almost everyone had done Half Dome or Mt. Whitney. I was happy to be with such an elite group, but I also felt insecure. Do you see the two with back packing gear? They are training for a week long trip to Yosemite.
I felt so self-conscious in this group. It was the first time in A LONG TIME that I felt obese. Looking at the picture above, all I can see is how fat ass is. I am not writing this to solicit "oh paula you're not fat" comments. No. I am writing because it's a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time. It was with me all through the hike. Especially as we posed for the picture below. All I could think of was I'M THE FATTEST PERSON IN THIS GROUP.
I can see how these negative thoughts can hold you back from enjoying pleasures in life. There are times where you just have to check the fat girl at the door and just do it.
It's difficult to see what's in the picture above. I know I should try harder. Be more regimented with my eats.... I just feel so discourage by the process of losing weight. Who doesn't right?
I got tired of trying so hard. I would jog 2 days a week, zumba 3-5 days a week. Do points or calorie counting and still get the same results as I have now. I've stopped jogging and only do zumba 3 days a week, maybe some biking or walking here or there but the fire for fitness have been diminnished because of my lack of results. That should not stop me, right?
It's hard staying the course. It's hard not to be discouraged but I refuse to let the negative fat girl keep me down. I may not be where I want to be, and I will never get there by sitting on the sidelines... Know this paula so get over it. Live. Laugh. Be. Happy. Even if you're fat.