It was a process to head out. Let me explain.
First, my drains were removed and I could shower. I was and am scared to see my body in it's new form. I cannot describe the overwhelming emotions that came over me after my appointment. I found myself crying over the loss of my breast. It felt almost primal but then.... I was so happy to have a fighting chance against breast cancer and so I told self" ENOUGH....
With that... I showered. Got dressed and wore a bulky sweater. I felt so blessed with all the support I have received that I felt it was time to bless someone else. So I shopped for a Thanksgiving dinner for a loved one.
It felt good. Then, I sat with a friend who is having a rough time. I listened and it felt good to be a blessing to someone else.
I am extremely fortunate. I give thanks to God that I am able to say that despite the challenge I am facing. All my fear and anxiety has been given to him. Every time I have a negative thought or feeling, I remind self that if the thought is neither lovely, pure, truthful or honest that I should vanish it from my mind. It's helping.
I am waiting for Oncology and chemo. I am ready to HIT this thing full force. Life is sweet and I am going to enjoy all of it.... regardless of the challenges. I am happy for the visual pictures in my head i.e., climbing Mt. Tallac, climbing a 50 ft. water slide. Fear can be crippling. But if you face it. Head on, you feel like a Giant for having done so. And so, this too I will face and overcome.
I want to wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving. Let's embrace our children, family and friends. Let's be present.
This morning, my plan is to shower. Dress and get outside. The sun is shining and maybe I can walk a mile or two... Wish me luck. Later, gators.