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Monday, January 30, 2012

grain free

Hello, I hope you've had a stress-free Monday.  I spent a little time in the kitchen Sunday evening. I roasted chile de arbol, cooked tomatillos and dried chiles and made batches of salsa and chile rojo.

Daniel cooks with chile and chile rojo so the freezer has several batches watiting for his use.
Then I roasted a brisket and small acorn squash.  This brisket will be used for Daniel's lunches and dinners.

My Monday morning found me lazy... I just wanted to lay in bed. I made my coffee and ate 1/2 a banana and then jumped in the shower. After my shower, I had my coffee with the news.  I was happy to have a fresh start food wise. But then I ate 1/2 a crescent that Daniel had bought. Ugh...  I brushed it off and packed up my lunch. 

Had a semi busy morning and then it was time for lunch: small slice of brisket (i removed that fat of course), had mashed acorn squash and broccoli.  Then went for  a 2 mile walk.

You know I was still hungry after lunch and hoped it would have subsided.  As soon as I returned from my walk. I had some broccolini, pine nuts, cranberries with spicey asian dressing.
Doesn't it look delicious?  Hunger stood with me all day.  Around 3 pm, I had a couple of handful of almonds.  Still hungry. I'm learning that if I start my day with carbs, I am never satisfied and I crave sweets. I had a couple of prunes. Okay... that helped with the sweet tooth.

Then around 4:45 I started to feel tired and "achey." My little granddaughter showered me with love and kisses on Saturday and today, she has strep throat. Instead of attending zumba, I came straight home. Had a cup of tea with honey and thought about my friend Rosa's and how she challenged me to eat grain free for 15 days. Maybe that will help with my cravings and over eating of chips.

I looked in my fridge and cooked up some ground turkey and pulled out a 1/2 head of cabbage. I remember my mother used to make a soup like dish using ground beef. I recreated the dish using the ground turkey.
This was absolutely delicious. I added a little of the salsa I made and it gave it the perfect kick. Daniel had two servings. 

I thought about Rosa's 15 day grain fee challenge. Given what I ate today (sans the crescent), it might not be so bad.  I did pretty good today.  So starting February 1st thru February 15th, I will go grain free. If you all have any ideas for side dishes, I'd love to hear them

Like Rosa said, "what do I got to lose other than weight." Please share any ideas or links with food ideas. Thanks guys.  I think my hunger is gone. Finally.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

glorifying the chip

Sunday's weather in Sacramento was glorious. My only regret for the day was I did not bike or jog.  I've fallen out of weekend activity. Daniel and I were up early and went shoe shopping.  He got two pair of work boots for $84.  Score!!  I wasn't too hungry around noon but Daniel wanted to eat. We headed to La Fiesta Taqueria. I am pretty much burnt out on tacos.  And I was worried about over doing it on chips and salsa. I have no self control but look at how I dealt with the situation.  I served myself a small serving of chips and loaded them with nopalitos

 We sat in a booth with a window.  Instead of soda, I ordered a carrot and organge juice.  I was not hungry because of breakfast (left over taco meat with chips).  I felt so much guilt about consuming chips n chile on Saturday, then continuing the trend with Sunday morning.  Then I find myself in a taqueria on Sunday afternoon. I had gone 2 weeks without chips n chile.  I know I sound like an alcoholic falling off the wagon but that's just how it is when I'm around chips and salsa.  I have eaten an entire bag of tortilla chips. Something wonderful about placing a chip, loaded with chile, smack in the middle of my mouth and tasting and hearing the crunch. I know... I'M GLORIFYING THE CHIP... Moving on.

Daniel ordered a quesadilla and a beer.  He had ordered me a veggie burrito but it was just too much. I took a bite and decided to take it home. 

After our comida, we headed to the movies to see Red Tails.  My reason for choosing this movie?  Terrence Howard, of course. Daniel found the movie boring. He fell asleep.  I kept watching hoping the movie would draw me in. It never did. Maybe because I wanted it to be a love story like Pearl Harbor but it never came close.  I did enjoy watching Terence Howard on the big screen.  I think he's very handsome. 

While Daniel snoozed. I dug into my purse for some pinata candy from my granddaughter and niece's birthday parites on Saturday. Can you believe I did not have any tres leches cake?  I did over dose on tacos and party food.  I hate feeling guilt over food.  I had been doing so well with my weekends. No need to dwell on negative thoughts. Instead, I'm preparing for the week. I have peruvian beans in the crock pot, brisket roasting in the oven and lots of fresh veggies and fruits for my lunches during the week.

I need to be careful with feeling guilt over food.  Life is worth celebrating and we latinos love to celebrate with food  Moderation will always be a struggle. I accept that and I'll just move on...

Is there anything you've accepted on your journey to good health?

Thursday, January 26, 2012

fear sets in

I am having difficulty with finding balance with my level of activity and my home life. At least 3 times a week, I attend a zumba class. There have been weeks that I go every evening.  I arrive  home at 7:45 p.m.  What do I find when I get home?  Daniel making his dinner.  Maybe he's doing a load of laundry since I'm backed  and he has no work clothes. I'm starving and sweaty. I change or shower depending on how hungry I am. This is tricky because if I'm too hungry, I will start eating and not stop until I make myself sick. It takes a while for my stomache to tell my brain YOU'RE FULL.  Then there's dishes. I'm zonked. Daniel rarely complains but h e's had it when I tell him to clean  his mess.  He thinks since he's cooking and doing laundry that I should do the dishes. I'm all 'IT AIN'T MY MESS"   I find myself being very selfish. If I do not exercise. The scale will go up.  I'm doing all this and the scale doesn't move. Imagine if I stop?  Fear sets in.

I shower and throw myself on the couch. Daniel wants to spend time with me . I have nothing left in me at this point.  He feels rejected and I understand maybe he's questioning the relationship.  He's on his own most evenings.That can't be fun.

It is incredibly hard for me to balance US time.  I do my best on the weekends. I know our relationship needs nurturing but the fear of the scale drives my need to exercise. Honestly, if I do not attend these classes and use my lunch hours for walking, I WILL FIND MYSELF AT 213 lbs again.  My recent work schedule has cut into my walking time and the scale is already up 5 lbs.  This is life and 5 lbs in the grand scheme of things is not the end of the world... but the fear of scale going up is always in the back of my mind.

I am smart. I know I have to make this work.  I am  not the only one who struggles with balance. My immediate plan?  Throw a load of laundry to wash in the mornings.  Use my crock pot. Leverage my lunch hour ie.., get my cardio in at noon. Attend zumba no more than 3 times a week.  Yes, I  have a plan and that helps the fear subside. At least for now.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

behind a glass window

This picture was taken on campus while sitting on a chair looking out a full glass window using my smart phone.  The sitting area looks lonely. Not just because of the over cast weather but because taking the photo behind the glass window adds a layer  of "something" that I can't quite explain.  I know noting about photography or composition...  I just know I like it.

I realize I have not used my camera in months.  Actually, the battery is dead and I cannot find my charger. I love photography but don't have a clue.  It might be time I take the plunge and buy a real camera. Anyone any suggestions? I'd like a DSLR. One that's affordable and easy to learn.  It's gotta be light and easy to carry.  Suggestions, anyone?

Rosa of Stuffing my feelings is responsible for my sudden interest in photography. I just love looking at the pictures she takes of her family.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

weathering the weather

Weather always affects my mood.  It's easy to be happy and energetic when the sun is shining. But it takes extra perseverence to exercise when the weather turns gloomy.  NOTE TO SELF:  Make sure you have your gym clothes with you in the car before heading to late afternoon appointment.  You don't want to make it easy for you to SKIP your evening workout. You know it's going to be hard when it's cold and gloomy tonight so don't leave room for excuses. Surely you're not going to let a little ugly weather determine your mood? Now get going. You have lots to do before zumba class. Oh, and don't forget your 3 lb. weights. You'll need them for the 15 minute warm-up.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Do you like being a girl?

I've been going through 3 years of photos and I came across this one picture of my granddaughters and my grandsons (see background). It was taken last year. This is classic... My THREE LOCAS (my crazy girls), which is how I refer to them when they're together.  My how they love clothes, jewelry and playing princess where as my grandsons---are only into gadgets. See them in the background?

These little girls have me wondering why I wasn't born with the girly girl mentality...  I hate shopping. If I'm wearing jewelery and heels, I feel self-conscious.  I find myself giving careful thought to clothes since I work in high profile office in the mornings.  Ugh. It's hard being a girl. At least for me. I try to shop and I end up in the electronic section drooling over the ipad2 and DSLR cameras. I prefer gadgets. While I enjoy the "perks" of being a woman i.e., getting help loading my groceries into the car, not doing yard work, or having to use power tools... but being a girly-girl?  Gawd... it's too much work.  If only I had a stylist shop and dress me now that would be awesome.
Am I alone in that I'd rather shop for gadgets than dresses?

Friday, January 20, 2012

I dared myself to want more… and it’s wonderful.

Whew, what a day.  The moment I arrived to work, I was pushed out of my comfort zone. I freaked and then reminded self “this is what you wanted.  This feeling is a reminder that you’re living.”  I worked through my challenge and told my self “just work through it—that’s how you’ll get past it.” Isn’t that true in life, in general?

A few months before I stopped blogging, I felt like something was missing in my life.  I wanted more. I wanted a lifestyle ala bitchcakes.  I wanted THIS LIFE and I debated leaving Daniel to get it.  I envisioned seeing myself in this hip apartment, biking to work and living differently….  I thought leaving my significant other would afford me this lifestyle. I wanted to “blow up my life so to speak.”  I had semi-challenged myself in the fitness areas of my life…. I climbed Mt. Tallac and was pushed to my physical limits  and I quit the “grandma zumba class” that I’d been doing and joined a zen master class.  Whew, now I know what it’s like to work out even when I think I can’t take no more…
I accepted the fact that I was living in an increasingly decaying urban neighborhood and I decided to cut my losses and sell. Found a great place, near bicycle paths and great eateries.  With that done—I debated leaving my job of 21 years.  Could I buy a taco truck?  Instead, I had a frank discussion with my boss. I needed to be challenged.  I felt like a den mother in my current job.  How do you tell your boss “you’re paying me too much money to shop at Smart n Final and babysit grad students.”  It panned out and I’m being challenged intellectually. I’m making decisions and what’s more---I feel alive.  You can’t just wait for  you life to change. You have to recognize that “hmmm” feeling and shake  things up. It turns out, I did not have to leave Daniel to have a different life.  Daniel and I are different. it’s okay that he wants carnitas y tortillas and I a black bean burger?  I dared myself to want more… and it’s wonderful.
This morning, I dressed for work. I put on some old jeans, boots and a gray top. My ass was sticking out and my thights felt thick and you know what I said to self “I love my curves…” I feel great for an almost 50 year old woman.  This is paulawannacracker and I’m loving the view from here. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

cabbage is not your friend

Well, it looks as though Sacramento is finally going to get some rain afer all. Don't get me wrong, I've been enjoying the unusally warm weather but something does not feel right about it... don't you think? 

It looks as though I'm on my own for dinner. I've finely shredded cabbage, cilantro, carrots, added carne al pastor and a big spoon of peruano beans topped with salsa.  Cabbage has been my "go to food" for some time. I think its quite versatile and I never get tired of it... except, I think I've been eating too much this week. I'll tell you why...

I went to the chiropractor earlier today for a massage and adjustment. I was walking yesterday and missed a step and felt my whole back get out of alignment.  So I'm laying on the massage table. She focuses on my lower back, right leg and my glutes--all on my right side. O.M.G. It was all I could do not to pass gas.  I did my best keeping it in and at one point--she's pushing on these pressure points on my butt and lifting my leg and all I can think is "please God. Don't let me fart."   That was the longest 30 minute massage.  As soon as I was done, I dressed and headed to the restroom. Glorious restroom.  I still had to be adjusted. No way was I going to lay on my side and bam!!!  I thanked my lucky stars that nothing embarrassing happened but as soon as I was safe and in my car... well, I don't need to go further, right?  Surely, I'm not the only one that's had this kind of problem on a massage table?  If things would have went the other way (pun not intended), I would have switched doctors with a quickness.

So I'm thinking tonight is my last meal of repollito for a while.  What would you have done if you were in my situation? Pray like me?

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Just couldn't stay away

from blogging. I deleted my previous blog because well, I was feeling defeated by the scale and basically, just felt done... I felt the need to make changes. I was unhappy in my job.  Unhappy in my current home and you add to that unhappy with my weigh loss efforts and you have one unhappy chica.

Fast foward to 3 months later and I've sold the house, moved to a safer neighborhood and shook things up at work. I am now in two different departments in an education setting and I absolutely love the challenges that the new position provides.  I also looked at my exercise routine. Cannot believe I believed I'd been giving it my "all" in that department. I now attend a much more choreographed zumba class 3 times a week that leaves me exhausted. Even right now... I'm dreading the 60 minutes of intense sweating....

The scale is up by 5 pounds but I'm no longer fretting about it... Food is not the enemy here. It is me and how I view it... I miss my blog. It's like a good friend who understands and listens to me....I've missed that---I find that I have much to say about nothing at all and that will be my focus  here....

Well, I'm off.  Later gators.