Hi friends, how's it going?
I've been steady in my efforts to lose weight. The scale is teetering from 180-183. It seems I can't find a balance between eating less and working out more. My commitment to exercise has decreased and I must say, it's affecting my outlook.
No one told me that after cancer, there's a whole lotta crap that you go through.... there's an emotional aspect of it that you just have to go through.... Don't get me wrong. I'm incredibly grateful and happy at this second chance at life. I'm savoring all my moments. But then, there's that nasty little voice that enters my head when I wake up, when I'm driving and when I'm sitting alone. It's a voice that fills my head with lies... or maybe I should just call it what it is... FEAR.
Fear that it will come back.
Fear that the numbness in my arm after zumba is trouble.
Fear that ....
I really could go on but instead, I've relied on "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you. Plans to give you hope for a future."
Fear is something I've never lived with before. I always knew the bills would get paid, that I would overcome whatever trouble that I faced... But this FEAR is so foreign to me.
It's a reminder to shift my thinking. To just do and so last night, I went to that zumba class. I gave thanks for that wonderful friend who texts me every day with "Going to zumba? I'll save you a spot, Wanna do weights? It's nice to have a friend to work out with.... I went to class last night. Did I give it my all? Maybe 80%. Afterwards, I was happy that I made exercise a priority. I felt on task.
Later, when I got home. I loaded the dishwasher. Changed and sat on the sofa eating my apple slices with sunflower seed butter and just enjoyed the quite of my house. I had made the most of my day.
The plan is to have more days like last night. I want to manage and/or eliminate this fear that creeps into my psyche. Do you think it's possible to eliminate fear? I don't know but I'm certainly going to try.