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Thursday, February 6, 2014

My cup is more than half full

Gosh... you're probably sick of my whining. It was so helpful to write my "cancer is a bitch"  post.  Let me share why... if you're tired of this song in dance... I understand. 

After writing my post, I headed to boot camp.

There was a lot of burpees, push ups, kaia builders and I had to use my upper body more than usual. During cool down (run around the building and at each corner stop and do 10, 20, 30, 40 jump ropes)... I couldn't do the jump ropes.  I leg lifts and squats. I felt pain in my chest.  I was scared to drive home but I didn't say anything to my daughter. It's not uncommon for me to get muscle spasms in my chest due to the mastectomy.  I thought they'd get better. Long story short, I was in the ER for 6 hours having tests ruling out heart, blood clot, etc.  Everything came out normal.  I have a follow up stress test and then I'll hit the gym again.

My point is... I have muscle spams in my chest. If I have reconstruction surgery, I'll have more muscle and nerve damage and pain. I don't ever want to be in a position where I CANNOT WORK OUT...  Exercise plays a considerable role in my happiness. I'm not willing to take risks with that and so, I've decided to take reconstruction surgery off the table and to IGNORE THE SCALE.  Yep.  I will place value on getting stronger and eating healthier.  In a year, maybe I'll be able to do burpees without pain or maybe, I just do squats. Whatever it is.. I'm going to feel what I feel and then carry on.

I am pretty content with living the life I currently have and that's good enough.  My cup is more than half full. 


  1. hugs.
    to you and you KICK ASS ATTITUDE.

  2. You will get there and go way beyond that Paula! Look at how far you've come. I don't see you ever sitting back and letting life come at you - you're going to run up and grab it with all you've got.