Gosh... you're probably sick of my whining. It was so helpful to write my "cancer is a bitch" post. Let me share why... if you're tired of this song in dance... I understand.
After writing my post, I headed to boot camp.
There was a lot of burpees, push ups, kaia builders and I had to use my upper body more than usual. During cool down (run around the building and at each corner stop and do 10, 20, 30, 40 jump ropes)... I couldn't do the jump ropes. I leg lifts and squats. I felt pain in my chest. I was scared to drive home but I didn't say anything to my daughter. It's not uncommon for me to get muscle spasms in my chest due to the mastectomy. I thought they'd get better. Long story short, I was in the ER for 6 hours having tests ruling out heart, blood clot, etc. Everything came out normal. I have a follow up stress test and then I'll hit the gym again.
My point is... I have muscle spams in my chest. If I have reconstruction surgery, I'll have more muscle and nerve damage and pain. I don't ever want to be in a position where I CANNOT WORK OUT... Exercise plays a considerable role in my happiness. I'm not willing to take risks with that and so, I've decided to take reconstruction surgery off the table and to IGNORE THE SCALE. Yep. I will place value on getting stronger and eating healthier. In a year, maybe I'll be able to do burpees without pain or maybe, I just do squats. Whatever it is.. I'm going to feel what I feel and then carry on.
I am pretty content with living the life I currently have and that's good enough. My cup is more than half full.